itesser ink: progress, uncensored

Daily quotes was one of the feeds I didn't give up in my great slashing. I haven't been keeping up with blogs as is, but that's a different post.

A few minutes ago I was looking through the past 60 that have come to my inbox and copying down to post-its the ones that might be of use to me later. Most of those involve philosophical truisms like "A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool gets from his friends. -- Balastar Gracian" or "It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal". These glimpses of behavior are starting points I use for game ideas; I'd write a little game with mechanics that encourage those kinds of actions. Like thought-experiment gaming.

Today, however, I came across a Thoreau quote that I agreed with so vehemently that I copied it down and stuck it in a place of honor even though it tells me nothing new.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

This is familiar to me as I've been thinking about interviews, employments, and what working in an office would mean to me. (A great deal of that meaning would be new clothes, and most of the "real job" prospects I've looked at do not appeal to any part of me.)

I copied down the quote because it validated a part of my soul that isn't in sync with the mainstream, or even the larger streams of counter-culture. Thoreau plays, whether meaning to or not, to my anti-consumer soul. There are also whiffs of simplicity and facade-busting honesty there that I like.

While there's nothing inherently wrong with the act of writing it down and pasting those words on my monitor, a small part of me is throwing up irrational warning flags. It's the part that clutches the "if you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people; if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you" maxim close to its chest.

"Yes, Thoreau agrees with you, that's all well and good, but besides it boosting your ego that such a great mind says something that you agree with, what's the point and challenge of lining your walls with trivial affirmations? Where's the spark? Where's the progress? where's the struggle and conflict and change and improvement? Should someone who believes the sky is green surround herself with affirmations that the sky is, indeed, green?"

That dangerous little voice. It's evidence of an affliction I've dealt with lately: my constant need for some kind of chaos, upheaval, and change. I spend my days and nights thinking in great quantities and great efforts, trying to understand the world, my reactions to it, and my reactions to myself.

Dangerous introspection.

This post has served to both be a place to reveal and examine my odd thoughts about writing nine words on a sticky note, and transform that sticky note from a simple affirmation to a symbol of a particular hue of my internal struggles.

But it's still an affirmation.